As you can imagine, I spend a great deal of time everyday reading about unhealthy relationships. Here’s some New Year advice for you. Just because someone comes back into your life does not mean they have had an “ah ha coming to Jesus” moment and are changed. Odds are they can’t find any one who will put up with their crap like you will. Just because someone calls out of the blue and says they miss you does not mean that they are willing to work on things or make things better.
If you continue to allow people to treat you badly, then you are setting a precedence and that will become the new way of being in your relationship. How you allow someone to treat you, in the relationship or when you two break up, is how they will treat you. Maya Angelou said:
The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.
That is such a true statement. People, for the most part, are what they are and do not change. I can’t tell you the number of people I hear telling me over and over how badly they are treated in relationships. I always wonder why they stay and continue to deal with it. I understand that love is a strong emotion. However, sometimes love is not enough. If you had a thorn in your foot, wouldn’t you take it out? Or, would you just walk around with this thorn in your foot for the rest of your life?
There is not wrong with going to couples counseling if you want to keep and continue to the relationship. Most people don’t know how to talk, listen or fight with each other. Very often, to fix unhealthy relationships, counseling is necessary and helpful. If you are in a relationship that is not working, go get some counseling. If your partner won’t go, then get out of it. You are worth way more than what you’re allowing. There IS someone who will value you.